I haven’t played too much Search and Rescue but I was playing on a full team that we got together, and we had a blast. We were non-stop winning every round of every game, and this is one round I had where I get 11 kills, and am the last man standing. It felt pretty clutch. I was a ghost moving through the shadows 😉
I just recently helped someone put up a Christmas tree. Thanksgiving hasn’t even arrived yet, and up goes their tree. Now I have nothing against celebrating the holidays, or even setting up for Christmas a tad early because it’s truly a wonderful holiday, but after lending a helping hand I am now extremely confident that I am not a decorator, or that I even truly care about the holidays. (I have a bad habit of these horrifically long sentences…)
As I have gotten older I just don’t feel that Christmas excitement. It doesn’t have the same pzazz that it used to for me. Really at all. Nor does my birthday. My 19th birthday is in a little less than a month and much like my last birthday and the one before it, it means nothing to me. It feels like another day that is just melding into the rest. I am by no means a disbeliever in celebrating birthdays and holidays, and I am certainly not a pessimist when it comes to them. They just do not really have an emotional affect on me. Though my birthday can be quite thought provoking as it notes that I am one year closer to death. (Even though it really is just a day closer)
I can’t help but see it as just another day of the week.
Which actually brings me to the point that my perception of time has become very skewed. After you get out of high school there is far less structure. While you are in high school you more or less know what to expect with each up and coming week. You have such and such days off, and that day is a half day, you are going on a field trip this day, and the rest of the days are going to drag ass. That basically sums up how it is going to flow (sometimes with the viscosity of molasses).
When you graduate and you are done things change. There is no more structure. There is no more you do this and then you do that. There is only well what do I do next? If you don’t propel yourself forward, there is no structure that pushes you along for you. This is a big change for me. I have no job, and I am not currently in school. Therefore I have an overabundance of free time. Which is a beautiful thing because I will probably never have another point in my life like this one, but it also quite bitter because I’m really not progressing through life. I am more or less at a standstill in a way.
Luckily for me though, the things I want to do in life more or less require an abundance of free time. I now know that the kind of job or career I need to have is one that allows me flexibility and freedom. I need to be able to be autonomous, and creative. This is why outlets such as creating YouTube videos, building a blog, or writing an epic novel are all very appealing to me. They fall into this traits.
Repetition bores me far more than most people, and redundancy makes me want to punch a baby in the throat.
So with this free time I can constructively develop these career paths, and maybe get something going that can support me, and gives me the creative freedom I desire. Who knows! 😀
Sorry for the rambly sort of rant I just went on. This style of writing is actually what I intended this blog to be, but i got the idea that I needed topics, and more structure in my posts. Work basically. I don’t really want that though. So expect more posts like this, where I just let my thoughts flow, and I jump from one topic to another.
So till’ next time, enjoy the ‘almost?’ Christmas season, and stay frosty internet.
What even is Life? 